Of All The Words of Tongue and Pen. . .

Let me posit to you that you could go back in time to some critical moment, a turning point in your life, and, knowing what you know today, you are able to make a different choice, and affect the remainder of your life. 

Suppose further, that there was one choice that you made the passing years caused you to recognize this choice as a terrible mistake, one that changed your life forever for the worse -- set it on a very different, very lamentable, course than you had hoped.  

Suppose then that you could go back and change your major in college, or take that trip to China, or ask that girl to marry you.

Or ask that girl to marry you; 

or ask her to marry you. and, then you think, "What might have been."

Ponder this:  that you have in fact, discovered a way to go back.  Once there you had the strength and foresight to ask.  

Then suppose she said, "yes."

You married her.   You married her and loved her deeply and she loved you deeply.   And yes, there were rough times, times you thought you couldn't make it, but you did, and were happy you did, and she was still there and still loved you.    Suppose you made love to her all the time, at least, a lot.  Suppose you loved her so much that being with another woman was meaningless.  Suppose you had children with this woman, raised them, watched them grow healthy and strong, and still she was there, to help you and take care of you when you needed it, and you took care of her, too.   Suppose all that.

Suppose that when you asked her to marry you she said to you, "Yes," and, "I love you.  I will always love you."   And she meant it   And you returned the promise of love, and swore to always do your best to make her happy.  And you meant it with all your heart.   And you were happy -- happy beyond measure, beyond words.   Suppose that.

Suppose you had a full life with her and had good friends and traveled and played tennis and went to the beach.  Suppose you had many such good times.   Yes, there were tragedies and ugliness, and mistakes, and regrets, and anger, and sickness, and death.   Yes, there was that, too.

But suppose there was all that, and still you went to the theater with her and laughed with her, and you listened to music with her and held her hand.  Suppose you sang songs with her many times over the years,  just for the fun of it year after year.  

And suppose that now, you could look back at all that, re-live your life with her, talk about it, remember it, sometimes with a tear in your eye, sometimes with a chuckle, sometimes with a good belly laugh, and after all that, you could sit back with your arm around her and feel  fulfilled,  uplifted, and proud, and you knew that God himself had blessed you.  

Suppose you felt, in your bones, the simple glory of a life so lived?

Suppose all that.  

Then suppose that none of that happened.   None of that happened and you realize, as if suddenly waking from a dream, that you are completely and utterly alone having never known love, having lived a lifetime of mock loves and real loneliness, all the while having kept the knowledge of your true love locked in your heart, unspoken and denied to the world, yet ever present in your soul, knowing that this broken heart would never, could never, heal, or the pain of regret ever dissipated.

And, suppose you had given up all hope of ever loving someone or ever being loved.  

Would you not want to close your eyes and go to sleep?

Would you shout and curse the sky, 
And all that lay in Heaven's keep? 
Would you close your eyes and cry
For blissful rest, and final sleep?